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Thread: Cincinnati Enquirer Challenge

  1. #1
    Inactive Member LanDroid's Avatar
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    Cool

    I've received the following spam a few times in the last few days, which means you have probably seen it too.
    1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

    2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

    3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

    4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

    5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country--if they could find the time--and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

    6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

    7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who is running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

    8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

    9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

    10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.

    11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

    12. None of these are read by the guy who is running the country into the ground.
    <font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Heh, better than some I've read.

    OK, but here's the challenge - finish the bolded sentence below. (I've written a few, but will wait to see how the rest of you fare...)

    The Cincinnati Enquirer is read by people who:

  2. #2
    Inactive Member Lew's Avatar
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    think the country should be run by Carl Lindner and the Baby Jesus, but believe it is run by witchcraft-practicin' lesbians...

  3. #3
    Inactive Member cincygreg's Avatar
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    Who like the adventure of decifering the way the sections are put together on sunday. LOL!

    Section B is inside section E which is inside the car sale section behind the comics inside that full page store ad [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/sure.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/wonder.gif[/img]

    <font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ July 13, 2006 09:56 AM: Message edited by: cincygreg ]</font>

  4. #4
    HB Forum Owner gae's Avatar
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    The Cincinnati Enquirer is read by people who
    <font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Wouldn't know news if it bit them on the butt.

  5. #5
    Senior Hostboard Member reason's Avatar
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    Sorry to interrupt the question posed in this thread but, MY...I had no idea I was running the country.

    Pardon me while I think of a few edicts...

  6. #6
    Senior Hostboard Member reason's Avatar
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    The Cincinnati Enquirer is read by people who:

    ...think Peter Bronson actually has something between his ears.

    (Due to that man, I'm down to purchasing only the Sunday Enquirer.)

  7. #7
    Sheriff Beachcomber's Avatar
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    The St Pete Times is no better unfortunately. I am banned from their forums too. I hate that paper.

  8. #8
    Inactive Member cincygreg's Avatar
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    The Cincinnati Enquirer Is Read By...

    People who were banned from the St Pete Times boards [img]wink.gif[/img]

  9. #9
    Inactive Member LanDroid's Avatar
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    The Cincinnati Enquirer is read by people who:

    Care only about the latest high school football scores and when the first snowflake will appear

    Plan all social events around festivals at Catholic churches

    Saw a USA Today newspaper about 8 years ago on their only trip outside of the big city, but have never heard of those other newspapers

    Clip coupons for generic toilet paper

    Can't understand Borgman's cartoons and are personally insulted by The Dinette Set

    Must have the latest info on all the wars! You know, Pepsi vs. Coke, East side vs. West side, Skyline vs. Gold Star, and Elder vs. Moeller!

  10. #10
    Inactive Member Lew's Avatar
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    As usual, I can't comprehend LanD's sentiments. All week long I've been reading in the Enquirer about the fighting in Lebanon, and how Lebanon is being bombed and what-not. Well I live in Lebanon, and I can tell you I haven't seen squat. We kind of have a feud with Mason, but I haven't seen any bombs or any of that crap.

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